OK, if you can't, I'll explain. It's my mom's forearm. The red spot is where my sweet, adorable little nymph of a girl weighing less then 19 pounds bit, yes I said BIT my mother. Not 20 minutes later she bit me on the shoulder.
If that doesn't make matters bad enough, she's been whacking everyone and everything. She raises her arm back, helicopter fashion, and swings forward with the might of Goliath. She also produces a guttural sound kind of like that girl tennis player (gosh her name escapes me right now, but you know who I'm talking about) when she does it. Now, the bites hurt like crazy, and scare you, which automatically brings you to want to attack whatever it is, and you have to hold back.....and the hitting, well, we know it doesn't hurt us, but Austin thinks it REALLY hurts.
What do I do??? How do I handle this crazy girl? It seems she really gets this way when she's tired....so maybe that's it...don't let her get tired, oh right, that won't work!!!
Did I mention the head shaking "no" whenever I offer her food??? Well, most foods? When we first got home a month ago, she ate EVERYTHING. I am not kidding. She ate and ate and ate, no matter what it is. I thought "Wow, I've got a great eater here". Well, now she's down to about 5 things....and shakes her head NO when the spoon comes here way, or the bowl is placed in front of her.
I'm not so worried about the food stuff because Austin is purely a chicken nugget/toquito boy...but the violence has got to go!! HINTS PLEASE!
Oh, and because I want you all to still know that I love her like crazy, I'll post a cute picture of her modeling her swimwear that she didn't get to wear in China!
16 comments:
I am watching Super Nanny right now, I will try to pick up some tips for you!
AAaawwww the joys of parenthood.
~Kim~
Oh, and why haven't you painted that girls toenails yet?
Hey Stacey,
Norah has hit too. And we reply with "gentle hands" or "No hitting genlte hands!"..... Now she hits me and watches to see my reaction....geeze. I took it too personally, I guess. But she'll hit and then rub my hand gently and "say" "ahhhh". Wow.
Our pediatrician actually asked us if she was biting ...."yet".
Not so far, but I guess from his comments that it's not so uncommon.
Anna
Youch, that bite mark looks painful! No advice here, but I think I remember that Michele had similar issues. Might be worth a quick email to her to see what worked for her.
I am in full time childcare and have two daughters of my own. I have a biter.. I mean he BITES and draws blood. So I feel your pain (OUCH!) Biting is a reaction to frustration. Usually the inablility to communicate in a toddler. Its very frustrating for them to not be able to put words to thier feelings. Its a phase that hopefully will pass.
We use strong words and use the time out chair... however I have (GASP!) been known to turn my head and allow the BITE-EE to retaliate. (IE.. when the BITE-ER bites , usually my youngest daughter, she bites back.. not to hard but enough to emphasise that "biting hurts") I use this as a last resort, usally after several bites (my daughter was begining to look battered) and time out, and extra attention have failed. Sounds barbaric, but it always works.
As far as food goes... she'll eat when she is hungry. My step daughter is 11 and when my husband and I first married we had food battles every day. I began making her a bowl of mac and cheese for every meal for her and then making a HUGE deal out of what foods the rest of the family was eating.I mean really talking up how delicious somthing was. After a while her curiosity won out, and she is now a fairly adventurous eater.
I have to think about this...When we had a biter in preschool, we would say "biting hurts!" and then turn all of our attention to the "Victim". The few times that Cameron bit, I would just put him down and walk in the other room after saying "No biting". He seemed to get that it wasn't going to get him anywhere...I will think about it more...
Lisa
Okay I know this sound really bad..............When Taylor was little and started biting I tried all the nice stuff then one day out of pure frustration I just said, "okay I have had enough of that, and I bit her back!" well she did not like that and I said well thats what it feels like so don't do it again. It stopped.
PS. I did not bite too hard, no marks or blood. But darn bites do hurt like the devil.
Good luck! she will stop some day.
Julie
I just wanted to pass along something a friend of mine said worked. She had several young children and one started biting. She would pick him up and very firmly tell him no biting! Biting hurts and is not ok! Then she would squirt a couple drops of lemon juice (the kind that comes in the plastic lemon)into his mouth and set him in time out for a minute. He would make a horrible face when he tasted the lemon juice and cry. He stopped within a couple weeks. I guess he learned to associate biting someone else with having that horrible taste in his mouth. I hope this doesn't sound horrible, she did it because he did leave painful bite marks on the other kids. Her pediatrician recommended it. Anyways, it worked. Good luck.
Pamela
I love the lemon juice in the mouth. Made my mouth pucker just thinking about it. And no pain involved.
Great suggestion.
Julie
I love this website: A4everFamily.org. It deals with these issues in the contxt of adoption, and I have found the ideas to be very convincing and insightful. I hope this helps! Erin P.S. I love your blog...what a lovely family you have!!!
Amelia pinches/scratches (really hard). She also seems to do it more when she is tired, but mainly when she is mad at you for saying no to her. She thinks it's funny too. She doesnt' respond to "no", "ouch", or slapping her hands. When she does it I tell her "No, that hurts Momma" one time. If she does it again after that I tell her she is being mean and I put her down. I refuse to pick her up (or if I am on the floor with her I get up so she can't reach me). I'm not saying it is stopping the pinching/scratching, but at least she's not able to reach us (did I meantion she goes for the face)? Amelia is also a horribly picky eater, but she always has been, and does that shaking her head no thing. In the past I have tried about a million things until I find something she likes. I'm not doing that anymore. If I offer her something she likes and she doesn't want it, I give her one more choice (of a food she likes) if she still won't eat that then I say all done (we have a hand signal for that) and I calmly take her out of the high chair. I know it's a control issue with her, but frankly I'm tired of making 7 different things for her dinner.
P.S, of course I offer her food later on and she always eats.
Amelia has been home since 12-22-05
Okay- this is sooooo normal for an adopted child. My daughter came home at 17 months and would bite, hit, pinch, and kick if she didn't get her way or if she wasn't understood. Mind you this behavior didn't start until a month or so after she came home (from India).
What worked for us was 1) baby sign language.... the more she was able to communicate the less of these behaviors she had 2) holding her tight and rocking her telling her softly no bite, biting hurts (same with hitting, etc) 3) making sure she had her 'lovey' when she started to have these 'meltdowns'- for some reason that seemed to help her calm down, even when she was unable to calm herself 4) limit sensory stuff- she may be getting overloaded with everything- tv, music, toys, friends, playing, etc...the biting might be her way of saying 'hey- enough already!'
The behaviors will eventually go away. It's hard in the meantime, but hang in there- she will stop.
As for the not eating... I think she probably knows that food will always be around now and it's "safe" to say no to food. My daughter was the same way until she learned that food would always be here- then she began to have likes and dislikes. I supplemented her solids with pediasure. She drank 1-3 of these a day for the first year home depending on how much she ate. Some days it was all she "ate".
She will eventually come around to food again, she's just testing the waters so to speak about having food around.
Good luck!
Kikilia
I know you love her every much, but you do have to set the limit for her as well. I learned this from my play therapy class..but its called the ACT method:
1)Acknowledge her feelings with I know you want to bite me
2)Communicate with..but mommy is not for biting (in a firm voice)
3)Target the alternative (but I wouldn't give her choices at this young age) instead say..you can bite this instead (teething ring or towel).
I've tried on a few young clients and it has worked fairly well, but it does take a few times. Good luck!
D
Couple of things:
1. Firmness. "No. No biting. Biting hurts."
2. Instant time out. No ifs ands or buts about it.
3. Apology to victim after timeout.
4. hold the child and ask why they bit, talk through other things to do (such as 'use your words' or 'show us what you want')
We have two books in rotation on the shelf here- hands are not for hitting, and teeth are not for biting. Lo and behold, our kiddo now gets it- and today was bit really badly (broken skin and all) at school and did NOT bite back, but told an adult.
Yikes! That smarts just looking at it. I don't seem to have biters (yet).
Charlotte tried a few times, but I laid the guilt on pretty thick (yes, it works so effectively at a young, tender age :)) so she seems now to be aware that biting hurts and she shouldn't do it.
I let her see the effect it had on me a few times and now she's not interested. Not to suggest you should let your child bite you! :)
Shell
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